Author: James Anderson
Is It Rude to Drink in Front of Recovering Alcoholics? by Benya Clark Exploring Sobriety
Before you do anything, it’s important to know whether your friend or loved one has an alcohol addiction. Alcohol use disorder, or alcoholism, is more than just drinking too much from time to time. Sometimes alcohol as coping mechanism or social habit may look like alcoholism, but it’s not the same. People with alcohol use disorder don’t drink in moderation, even if they say they’re only having one drink. Among recovering individuals themselves, in order to reduce risks, some choose only to attend sober parties or events.
Utilize the people in your life.
- It involves planning, giving consequences, sharing, and presenting a treatment option.
- Drinking is a holiday tradition for many families, but traditions can also transform and change over time.
- But, as with drug addiction, an addiction to alcohol is considered a chronic, or long-term, disease.
- A support group such as Al-Anon Family Groups may also be a helpful source of support when you have someone in your life with a drinking problem.
- Try not to sound accusatory, especially if the person may not know they suffer from depression or anxiety.
It’s often a combination of situations and the complexities of relationships that lead to enabling. Drinking is a holiday tradition for many families, but traditions can also transform and change over time. Many may not know that about one-third of U.S. adults report consuming no alcohol at all in the past year. You may find that in steering the focus of a social gathering or party away from alcohol to try to help a recovering person, that you are catering to more than just the individual in recovery. This question is commonly played out in real life, and in increasing ways, as more individuals decide to disclose their recovery identities more openly.
Stay positive
However, it’s important to make sure you’re getting the support you need as well. Lean on the people around you, and, if you need to, reach out to a mental health professional to speak about your stress and what you’re going through. Treating alcoholism isn’t easy, and it doesn’t always work the first time around. Often a person has been contemplating abstinence for some time, yet couldn’t get sober on their own. Don’t blame yourself if the first intervention isn’t successful.
Do Stay Focused on the Present
However, there are certain things you can do that may help relieve the pressure, and in some cases, also better help your loved one start their path to recovery. Approaching someone to discuss your concerns is different from an intervention. It involves planning, giving consequences, sharing, and presenting a treatment option. Realize that you can’t force someone who doesn’t want to go into treatment. Imagine yourself in the same situation and what your reaction might be. No matter the reaction, you should stay calm and assure your person that they have your respect and support.
Intoxication can also present other unpredictable events, including physical dangers. When under the influence, your loved one may become angry and lash out. They likely don’t even realize they’re behaving this way, and they may not remember once the effects of the alcohol wear off. Someone with AUD may also become angry or irritable when they don’t have access to alcohol because they’re experiencing withdrawal. When someone gets too drunk or hungover to fulfill their basic responsibilities in life, they often rely on those around them to get the job done. And all too often, their friends and family pick up the slack.
A boundary needs to be serious and firm, but that does not mean that it has to be threatening. Saying, “If you don’t quit drinking, I will leave!” is an ultimatum and a threat, but saying, “I will not have drinking in my home” is setting a boundary. Using alcohol with someone who is misusing the substance will just keep the cycle going and make it worse rather than giving them a chance to get out. If you react negatively, you are giving them an emotional out.
Learn to say ‘no’
Just like any other illness from which people can suffer, it is ultimately the responsibility of the individual themselves to learn about how to manage the illness and keep it in remission. Having said that, we also know clearly that certain environments, occasions, and people, can help or hinder recovery. Family and friends, often having suffered greatly too from their loved one’s drinking, may find this a worrisome time of year, wondering how their newly sober loved one might cope. They often desperately want to do the right thing but are unsure which tack to take.
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It’s ok to miss these people and grieve the loss of these relationships. Do your best to understand that they’re dealing with an illness. Friends, family, and other loved ones may unintentionally make a situation worse by enabling a person who misuses alcohol. You may only be trying to help and likely do not realize that you’re being an enabler. If you’ve been covering up for your loved one and not talking about their addiction openly for a long time, it may seem daunting to reach out for help.
Odds are, your desire is no secret, either — which is why you should be wary if that person tries to “trade” a change in addictive behavior for something. Caring about someone with an alcohol addiction can lead to worry and sleepless nights. You might spend a lot of time thinking about your actions as it relates to their addiction, says Dr. Anand.