Author: James Anderson
Living With an Alcoholic Spouse? Here Are Four Options To Consider
Al-Anon is the most popular support program available to loved ones of alcoholics. It is a program modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous and provides peer support to adults. People participating in Al-Anon understand the challenges and devastation of living and loving someone with a problem with alcohol. Ultimately, someone with alcohol use disorder must accept help if they want to recover. However, there are several things you can do to provide support and encouragement. After recovery, some people with AUD may need support from friends and family.
- After recovery, some people with AUD may need support from friends and family.
- If your partner has alternative ways of dealing with negative emotions and stress, it may remove some of the pressure to drink.
- There are many treatment options available for people misusing alcohol.
- Intoxication can also present other unpredictable events, including physical dangers.
- BetterHelp can connect you to an addiction and mental health counselor.
Alcohol or substance use is one of the most common reasons people divorce. It’s understandable that you might find this discussion upsetting. However, it will help you both if you try to remain neutral. Expressing anger or upset feelings at your partner may end up working against you, and you might say something you regret later. If you’ve been arguing a lot lately, consider putting the conversation off for a few days.
Recognize the signs of alcoholism and specifically when your partner has been drinking, especially if there are abuse issues
Supporting a loved one with alcohol use disorder (AUD) through their addiction and even recovery can be challenging, yet social support is necessary for recovery. Sharing a home with them adds a whole new layer of complexity. If an alcoholic refuses to get help, the last thing you should do is make it easier for them to drink and indirectly support their behavior and choices. Some spouses hold onto memories of the person they first knew and cling to hope that this person will return on their own. In reality, an alcoholic spouse will likely not get better on their own, so doing nothing is not a wise option. While this may sound like an awful option, it is the decision that many people with alcoholic spouses choose.
When determining if the person you live with has a drinking problem, consider the big picture. If you know they drink a lot and/or drink frequently and they have at least a few of these symptoms, chances are there is a problem with alcohol. It’s also important to keep in mind that you cannot control what your loved one does or manage their alcohol consumption.
Don’t Take It Personally
Alcoholism is quite difficult to catch during the initial few meetings, but by the time you get to know about it, it is too late. No matter how much you date a person before marriage, some things are revealed afterward. There are many other resources you can explore to help you prepare for a conversation with your partner. If your partner’s alcohol use isn’t severe, it might be helpful to encourage them to taper it down. It helps to say things like, “I can see your point,” or “I know you’ve been really stressed lately.” Try not to use guilt, bribes, or threats.
Often, in trying to “help,” well-meaning loved ones will actually do something that enables someone dependent on alcohol to continue along their destructive paths. Make sure that you are not doing anything that bolsters their denial or prevents them from facing the natural consequences of their actions. You may tell yourself that surely there is something you can do. But the reality is that not even the person dependent on alcohol can control their drinking, try as they may. Many family members of someone struggling with alcohol dependency try everything they can think of to get their loved one to stop drinking. Unfortunately, this usually results in leaving those family members feeling lonely and frustrated.
Do not tolerate hurtful or negative comments addressed towards them. These comments can result in lasting damage to a child’s psyche. You do not have to put up with unacceptable behavior in your life. It’s also important to address your family’s own needs at this time. Make sure your children are eating a healthy diet and getting adequate exercise and sleep. This could be in a one-on-one conversation or an intervention with others who are concerned about the person.
In general, it may be smart to have other people present when confronting the alcoholic. The tendency to hide their problems is also a common characteristic among alcoholics. This can lead to further problems such as depression, anxiety, and social withdrawal. Individuals with alcoholism may have a number of behavioral and emotional characteristics, including a lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem. They might have difficulties controlling their emotions and be prone to anger or violent behavior when drunk.
Work together to come up with a plan for recovery
Without confrontation, it’s unfair to expect a person to change. If you never tell them how their actions affect you, they will likely never know. This will enable you to stay focused and prevent you from giving in to temptation. You should also try to increase your intake of healthy food and exercise regularly, as this will help you stay healthy both physically and mentally.
You will have to work together, as a team if you want to come out of the situation. It’s never easy to be with an alcoholic husband, but these things can surely help. When they don’t have a limit, they will drink more than they need to and will surely be uncontrollable. But, in the long run, the denial mode is not going to work at all. The one thing that you would do at this point is go into denial mode. In the worst case, you would also want to avoid the situation as much as you can.